Quack quack quack quack

Whenever I visit my sister's family I always feel like I've fallen into a bizzaro world of heteronormativity. I mean, I know people are like this, I've seen it on TV. I just never thought I would be related to suburbanites. It's so weird! I feel so off-center. Quick, send some party drugs, a glow stick, and some anonymous sex, stat!

We are all up to our armpits in babies. And like any baby-centric house of this modern era, it has been a 24-hour-a-day Wiggles marathon for the last two days.

Y'all. These people are not right.

Okay. First of all? Jeff and Murray are rolling on some serious drugs, man. Nobody gets eyes that big without first amoking a whole bag full of happy.

Second. These people are some sick fucks, let me tell you. Here's one of my nephew's favorite Wiggles songs:

"Five little ducks went out one day
Over the hill and far away.
Father duck said, 'quack quack quack quack!'
But only four little ducks came back."

Dude! That shit is terrifying! What's the message here? "Daddy's going to send you out wandering all by yourself. By the way, there's a one-in-five chance that you're not coming home. You might get eaten or killed by some unnamed predator. Tough shit, kiddo. Them's breaks. Quack quack quack quack."

Third. And this might be the most frightening of all. I'm starting to think that Greg is kind of cute.

Seriously. Send help.